Welcome to another episode of Did I Tell You About My Albatross.

I'm your host, Albie.

This is the goth podcast for honest degenerates.

It's like teeing up with your favorite foursome every week and diving into the best stories in and around goth.

You guys ready to tee off?

Let's go.

What's happening, everybody?

Welcome to another episode of Did I Tell You About My Albatross.

I got two of my favorites, two of the crowd favorites.

These are crowd favorites.

I got my main man, Panda.

Say hey, Panda.

Hey.

Hey, everybody.

We got the mayor, Koala, whatever you want to call him.

Hello.

Um, man.

So yeah.

And then we got another episode.

We got a great one for you today.

We're going to talk about a couple of different subjects that are, uh, are actually top of the mind for me right now.

One just came up recently.

And it's etiquette.

Golf is one of these weird sports, like, you just have to know certain things or you're considered a dick.

Let me just kick us off here, okay?

I don't get this one.

Four.

Like, do we know the origin of four?

When you hit, okay, you do.

Thank God.

I know.

Because I've been like, that could have, we could have easily looked that up before the show.

That's what I'm here for.

Did you even see what he did there?

No.

Do it again, Panda.

That's what I'm here for.

What is the origin of four?

Panda's clever.

Dude, he drops his one-liners.

You don't even know.

He's a witty panda.

Yeah, they come up in editing.

They come up in editing, like these little time bombs.

I look back and I'm like, oh wow, that was brilliant.

I didn't even see him sneak that in there.

That's why he's here.

Tell us about four.

So a four caddy would go in front of you so like way in the old days So if I was going at the caddy you would just yell four because if you're ever like Had to four caddy and like see it's hard to see a ball when it's actually coming at you It as crazy as that sounds it's easier to track it like as it's going but if it gets lost in the Sun or something or you're staring because you're looking back at the player if it was gonna hit him the players supposed to yell for cuz it's gonna hit your four caddy interesting

So that's the origin.

Now... It's just probably stuck because it's like one syllable and you can yell it loud.

Four.

That is one syllable.

Yep.

I was getting ready.

I was like, pretty sure it's two, and then I'm like, it's kind of a, kind of seems like it's a long one syllable word.

Yeah, it's a one and a quarter.

Four!

I'm from, I don't know, dude.

I'm from North Carolina.

I can't really give dialect lessons, but okay, so that's interesting, but all right, here's the ones I don't get, though.

So get you, all right, I'll give you four.

Great.

Okay.

Great story.

I mean, awesome because of the tradition.

It's been around forever.

Do you ever hear, four right?

Which right?

Yes!

Like, how do you know where this- I think it's where you're supposed to be pointing to, like, for right?

Yeah, I think it's always the play- the person hitting it.

Okay.

It's the person hitting it, because that's the person yelling it.

But also, if you're, like, out there, and maybe there's, like, fairways that are going perpendicular, like, it can get confusing.

Right!

Have you guys ever been hit?

That's a good one.

Okay, you are here for a reason.

You actually know that you have recently, right?

I've never been hit, like, my body, the cart has been hit.

Oh, pfft.

Have you ever played Palmecia before?

But, yes.

That happens all day.

But I've never...

personally been hit, I don't think.

Not that I can remember.

Well, no, but you just had an incident with a car girl.

Oh, I totally forgot about that.

Were you playing with us?

No, I wasn't even... I just heard about it.

But you asked me if I'd ever been hit.

It wasn't me who got hit.

Right, right.

That's true.

You watched somebody get hit.

I watched someone get hit.

Okay.

All right.

Very funny, actually, because they were like... So we were playing at Palmasia.

It was me... and I'm blanking on who our fourth was.

And there's this twosome behind us.

It was my brother.

There's this twosome behind us that were kind of, you know, just pushing us up a little bit.

So we had him play through.

And the one was with the smoking hot girlfriend just riding with.

And so when we were on the tee, they were kind of, we were going to tee off and then they were going to tee off and just go, but we were going to hit our balls.

And so we all hit good drives and **** went last.

And with this, the two guys watching and this smoking hot blonde, like tops a shot.

60 yards to the right like barely made didn't make the fairway stayed in the rough along the cart path So we drive to our balls can occur together They have to stop whereas ball is and they're so far so short and so far, right?

That they're not in the way of the guys hitting the next tee shot.

So they didn't think about it They weren't really paying attention.

Of course the what there are two college kids So like we thought they were college players one kid hits a good one down the middle then the next kid like is

Addressing the ball as a proper swing.

We're like, oh, he's pretty good.

We don't really have to worry about You know where he is we're out of the danger We're out of the danger zone and holes and he shanks one and the thing hits the cart path in in buckles Or right in like the back of the ankle or the calf

So like not hard like a little love tap like grabs his ankle like a soccer.

Yes It starts jumping up and down and like falls on the ground and is like rolling around And just made a whole scene out of it, and then they drive up super embarrassed.

It was good Did he sign the glove and give it to him?

No

Why are not more people dead from from like from like spectating golf like to me?

You take a big tournament man like especially what just happened at the players Jordan Spieth hit a guy no way yeah I don't know if it was on the 18th hole

I don't know if it was on... Yeah, get on that phone, man.

Let's look this up.

Well, no, I just got lots of... I've got lots of videos.

Lots of videos.

His drive was going OB right, hits a fan, kicks back in the middle of the fairway.

He ends up making the cut on the number.

No way.

Yeah, it just happened.

Well, you heard of like Arnie's Army before, right?

Yes.

Which I love that.

Keep me in the rails here because I think I know it.

Anyone tuning in, if I ever butcher a story, which is going to be often by the way, I'm just going to tell you a bunch of stuff.

I think some of it's probably, most of it's true.

It's fine.

Ish.

Own it.

We're more for the entertainment value, but this one I have heard where you have the Arnie's Army.

That's a hard thing to say.

You say it, Panda, right now.

Arnie's Army.

Thank you.

And I think the Arnie's Army, if the ball came and it was in a bad spot, they give it a little kick.

They give it a little kickaroo.

Absolutely.

Let's see it.

What do you got?

Dustin just annihilating one right into some dude's spinal column.

Okay.

Let me just show this to the audience here They're gonna want to see this one.

No, this one's pretty good though.

He just mutilates it Love the shot.

It's a little pull draw.

Do you think he yells right up the gut?

No, it's for there's one guy You shouldn't have been staying out there Wow, you went down hard, huh?

There's tons of good ones by the way tune in because soon We're gonna be having one of our future episodes that will be focused on just us reacting to the best What would you call that professional golfers hitting patrons?

I think I think I'm I think even amateur ones, and I think we're gonna do the ones that hurt the most And we're gonna try to verify they're okay probably before we show it oh

I feel like if someone died, we would've heard about it.

I got one more.

It's way worse.

No, it's not.

It's way worse.

I feel like they might not show these.

How is it worse?

It's Tom Kite in 1992.

He just snipes one dead right or dead left into the gallery.

No, he does not.

Like just quick hooks it into some lady's face.

Oh my.

Oh no.

No way.

And it just stands there.

You know what?

Why do they have the gallery so- Like, I get these guys are good.

Like, these guys are the best in the world, obviously.

You could still catch one to the face.

Dude, good players all the time.

Shank it.

He killed a possum.

I did kill a possum.

It was plain possum, dude.

It probably was.

No, I don't think- But it fell out of the- They do that when they're scared, not when they get hit.

This thing fell straight out of the palm tree.

No, it did not.

Plump.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

First of all, I don't think possums are in palm trees.

That would be a terrible place to hide.

No, during the day it will.

Was it for sure a possum?

I wasn't with you, but we were going back and forth.

It could have been a raccoon.

Oh, now raccoons are nocturnal.

Terrible place to hide if I'm a raccoon.

I'm not going in a palm tree.

I'm probably finding... It's a marsupial, they call those, I believe.

Yeah.

Jeopardy, I just want to actually say now that we're talking about that.

Sorry cut you off, but it's okay I had a little beautiful mind moment the other night You can't see that, but you can see the shed door here, and I'd wrote down some topics.

What's crazy is This actually ties into one of those up there here in Florida.

We have these things called Sand Hill cranes and One of my favorite great great eating by the way if you can catch one just kidding No, you don't want to eat one actually them, and they're good dude.

They're tall I

Do you know why they're always traveling in three?

Okay.

If you come at me and you ruin this for me, I'm gonna be mad.

And this is fighting.

You're right, we may just tear this.

Shut up.

I already got your koala up there.

I was out playing a course here in Florida one time.

I go in, I'm like, there is a bird out there.

Like, this is the first time I've been to Florida.

Like, this is one of the first times I've seen a sandhill crane.

They're huge.

They're like, they're like five plus feet.

Like, they can get pretty, and they got mean ass beaks.

They're pretty aggressive for a bird.

They come at you.

They're not scared of you.

They are not.

And to your point, I just noticed he was sad.

But this dude was just moping around.

You could tell he was like big bird that just ran out of everything.

Like, he was just down and out.

He looked like a homeless big bird.

I'm like, hey man, uh, your bird out there, like you go into the pro shop, your bird's not doing good, the big tall thing.

But you went into the pro shop to tell them the bird is sick?

Well, I was at the turn, I actually, it was on my way to the, yes, to get beer at the turn, of course.

So I pass by and I'm like, hey man, you got a sick, you got a sick deadbeat bird out there, you might want to take a look at it.

He's the, actually the wildlife refuge people came out, the

That's probably not the right term for him, but yeah, they came out they looked at it And we actually had a gentleman that ran one over the other day in a golf cart and when that happens The other one which is their mate they made for life will stop eating Now here's the deal.

I Love my wife.

I mean I love her.

She's the best thing that's ever happened to me You would eat that day

I would not eat that day.

I'd probably take a couple days off, but I'm not going to go, I'm not going to start.

So what happens is the birds, now I may, this is this guy in the pro shop telling me what a wildlife refuge, again, not the right term, person told him.

So I don't know if this is real.

If it is, I'm sure the thousands of comments below, if it's real, that's, that's effing crazy.

And then secondly, are you going to ruin it by your third, your three bird thing?

No.

So the reason why you either see them in twos or threes is because in twos, they mate for life.

In threes, it's their kid.

They have one.

And when that baby meets another one, it goes off.

But it lives at home.

They don't have more than one?

I don't think so.

They might just have like one at a time.

Man, we're gonna get eaten up by some dude who's like a huge-ass San Joaquin enthusiast.

He's like, actually, dude, I play a lot of golf, and then I do a lot of bird watching.

whatever there you know what they meant for you guys are allowed to listen to this exactly i have another one i don't listen to a bird podcast yeah exactly i have one that'll get us all actually isn't this called the other she's uh... it isn't it isn't that i would like a podcast

Alright, so I go ahead man.

Would you were you saying well just because so you say you stop at the turn?

Who do you tell the bird about?

Who did you talk to about the bird?

Like the guy in the shop.

Yeah, I was the dude.

Yeah, so when I was an assistant my first job was in Billings, Montana I took an internship.

Yeah, you did so firstly that guy in the shop has no fucking chance to help you with the bird That's a completely different department, but

I'm in the shop one day.

It's like my third day, and this is Billings isn't rural Montana for any Montana people, but where the course is is pretty rural I get a call They go.

There's a grizzly bear on hold 11, and I just say well don't fucking go near it like I

And the lady on the other end goes, aren't you going to do something about it?

And I said, no.

Goddamn grizzly bear.

I'm not going to do anything.

What the fuck am I going to do?

I'm 19 years old.

What am I going to do to a bear?

What is anybody going to do to a bear?

Exactly.

She wanted me to go out there.

So we actually have... What?

What does she want you to do?

I don't know.

I didn't get that far.

That's an amazing club when the patrons are like, you better do something about that bear out there.

You do something about that.

We're trying to get our people to do something about these greens.

Here's the other thing about the four thing.

So, okay, so the four right, absolutely ridiculous.

I mean, I'll be honest, I'm guilty of it.

Did you yell it?

I yell four right.

You do?

I do.

I can't help it.

What if someone else hits it then?

Are you going to yell for them?

Oh, I yell for other people all the time.

Because a lot of times, in my opinion, and I don't mean to be a dick about it, a lot of times you think that you're not Tom Kite and you're plus five and you just shot it right into a lady's face.

You thought that you hit it down the middle.

It feels the same sometimes.

Sometimes you know, like, oh, that may kill someone.

So I ran across a crazy story.

This is gonna be one of the, this'll probably be the saddest moment of this show of all time because we're here for laughs and smiles and for bears eating gophers.

That would be pretty hilarious.

By the way, have you guys heard about this cocaine bear thing?

No, like the movie?

Yes.

Dude, what is, is that?

I think you and me should go.

I think it's in the theater right now.

Didn't make the thing like I think it's actually gonna be a pretty good.

I've never heard of this.

It's a true story It's based on a true story a bunch of cocaine Okay, that's a yes say it was like as it was on the run.

It was like the world's deadliest apex predator Really?

Yeah, there was like a drug deal gone bad and the bear ate this shit.

What would pain someone called pan down there?

I'm like what are you gonna?

Do about this?

What if it was the cocaine there fucking oh?

They basically had, yes, they had bales of cocaine fall out of somewhere.

I don't, I need to watch the movie.

I don't want to talk about it until I, and I don't want to do any spoiler alerts, but just the fact that the premise is about a bear, and it's somewhat true, who did a bunch of cocaine, and is running through the forest crazy, I fucking love that.

That bear?

Dude, that bear is absolutely, like, like, please subscribe.

Not only will you subscribe, we will, like, cut you in as a partner at this point.

We love you, bear.

It's dead.

Because it did too much cocaine, that's amazing!

Surely they had to kill the bear.

Yeah, they had to kill it.

Dude, if there was enough cocaine around, I guarantee you it's still alive.

Because that stuff will keep you up.

Not if you get shot in the face.

like Tom Kite.

If you get Tom Kited in the neck.

You get a plus five Tom Kite at the end of his tournament completely giving up, hitting Priscilla Woods, like Priscilla, whatever they're called.

Anyway, back to, so.

Back to etiquette.

Back to your story.

So I actually, back to my sad ass story, the saddest one ever.

If I remember the story correctly, he was one of the best kids in the state at the time in high school.

And I guess he hit a really bad slice.

I'm probably butchering the story again, forgive me if I am.

It had a really bad slice, but couldn't see it I couldn't see the fact so there was no for anything like they didn't know that anybody was over there Dude, it went so far right went so far, right?

It actually hit someone on a t-box on a different part of the course and

and it ended up killing him.

I have no idea what happened to the guy.

Anyway, I read that, I'm like, dude, that is probably not a story I should share on this podcast, but I'm going to, because that was my point.

It is a hard ball, and if it hits you, there should be more people getting hurt more.

Think getting hurt, but killing it's got to hit you like yeah a perfect spot like some Oh, I don't think it has hit you in a perfect walk if it hits you anywhere, but your head.

It's not gonna kill you uh your neck your trachea your Head right in the leer next actually this is more of like I'm talking about like here's your head.

Oh collarbone up sternum up oh

Oh, dude, yeah, I mean, yeah, stir him up unless I'm trying to think I don't know I think that could we kill somebody told me a swallow golf ball last pod I'm pretty sure that would kill you don't kill you.

Is that part of your head?

Yeah, what if I it goes in the head?

I think having a golf ball inside you will kill you too.

Like regardless how it got in

I'm just saying.

Yeah, I guess.

That wasn't the question.

You could shove it up your ass and get it out.

For sure.

Easy.

I'll do it if somebody subscribes.

I'll prove that myth.

So last show we went through like...

Shit of course it did.

Oh, don't worry.

We still got our favorite one Like if we get 500 subscribers something happens if we get one Subscriber oh wow panda shows the golf ball up his ass

I think that's- One.

I think that's a great- I don't even know that's gonna happen.

It can't be any of the guys that we already know.

It has to be like one- Randomer.

Off the streeter.

Uh, my- I'm creating a fake account.

So my sister's name is- You guys would have no idea.

You'd have no idea she's related to me.

She has a different last name.

I'm gonna have her do it.

But the good news is we'll film it and uh- We'll do that.

Before I get more subscribers.

That's the good news.

That's not the good news.

The good news is that will probably get us more subscribers.

Nobody wants to see that.

Well, there are people that want to see that, shockingly enough, unfortunately, and I agree.

There's definitely a segment of the population that's probably into that.

Alright, so I guess we create an OnlyFans while we're at it.

We got a lot of cameras.

We do have a lot of cameras.

Half of them work.

So, alright, so cool.

So, and then we killed- looks like we- looks like we killed another head cover.

So, I don't even know where this head cover- I'm just gonna start stacking head covers, that's gonna be our thing.

Alright, so, so yeah, so Etiquette.

I also wrote down a few others, man.

I like the Etiquette part.

Yeah, I mean- There's one that I know I had a big thing that fucked me up for a long time.

And I had to like, I had to the only I don't practice golf.

I go play golf.

I play golf four times a week.

That's it.

I don't know how you practice.

Like, hang on a second.

But it's just amazing, dude.

I know.

I did practice, though, because I struggled

playing 9 a.m.

men's game and roll around to like be midday, sun was above my head, shadow was over the ball.

I would like start my swing, part of my swing would like move across the ball, shadow would be in the ball, then all of a sudden I'd start the downswing and then it would be in the sun and it would just fuck with me.

So I went and I practiced in that shadow so I could get over it.

When I'm hitting balls in the morning, sometimes the shadow on the range will mess up the person next to me.

I will stop hitting balls because I'm worried about my shadow from the guy sitting next to me.

It's like, who cares about that guy?

I don't even know that guy.

Never once have thought about that.

See?

Do you guys recline your seats on the airplane?

Yeah, of course!

I don't because I sleep on the front thing.

I take that little tray.

You put your face on the tray table?

No, I have a pillow.

I have a specially designed, like, triangle pillow.

Of course you do.

Do you know how filthy that pillow is?

It has an arm strap so you can hug it.

No, I wash it.

It's like my carry-on item.

Every flight I've ever been on, I'm asleep the entire time.

I slept the entire time, no matter how long.

I turn my phone off.

I don't bring a book.

I knew it.

Magazine.

Panda 100% eats people.

Because I sleep on the plane forward facing with your head down forward on a special pillow correct Checking that flight.

I'm like 10 years.

I'm like absolutely blown away by a lot of things Especially Panda putting his face on that tray table that tray table this tray table My cheek doesn't touch the table it touches the pillow thing

Dude, I don't want to be a snob and like I try not to be but like ever since like I said like I used to travel a lot.

We're in a shed.

It's hard for me to be a snob.

You sit in the seat.

I travel a lot for work, but I'd always get upgraded.

And that curtain dude, that little curtain, it's a whole different world.

You don't have people putting their heads on trays, falling asleep.

Yeah, it's civilized there.

Yeah.

And now I lost all status, so now I don't get it, and now I'm on the other side of the curtain, I'm sitting next to people like him, putting their heads on tray tables, it's crazy.

You're probably middle row while Panda's over there on the window.

Not using the window.

You gotta get a window.

If I sat down and someone was sleeping on their face, I'd request a move.

The next topic is cart etiquette.

Cart?

Yeah.

Golf cart etiquette.

Gotcha.

I hope you, dude, I hope, it sounds like you got hit by a golf ball.

I swallowed one for the show.

Don't you remember?

That's awesome.

Yeah, no, I don't think what happened.

Do you think you would die?

I mean the answer to that's yes, and I don't think you can you really swallow a golf ball dude.

There's no chance no like Yeah, no, there's no way you can swallow a golf ball and live I'll give you $300 right now to try that's not enough.

I'll give you try it Huh?

I'm not that desperate.

Oh, that's terrible.

You add a couple zeros though.

I fucking love you guys.

Love you too.

And we're back.

Thanks for staying tuned.

I hope you enjoyed that commercial spot.

And we were just getting into the whole etiquette.

You know what?

Hang on a second.

We can't, we can't fucking come in with that.

That shit's terrible.

We're gonna have to do something at least a little better.

How about this one?

So yeah, so we were talking about etiquette.

Welcome back.

Hope y'all enjoyed that commercial spot by our sponsor.

Why don't you go ahead and give a shout out to

Oh, add to your performance.

Yeah.

Whenever you're ready to add to your performance, not just from the swing side with my man Panda at Panda Town coming to a place near you, but also, I think a big part of everything is your mental game.

And you can actually get the complete package with these two.

So anyway, getting back to what we were talking about.

Uh, we were getting back to, um, cart etiquette.

Cart etiquette's a big one.

I have some very strong opinions on this one.

Let's just talk about the music part.

So when you play, when you're playing in a cart, to me, like, I have a couple guys in the club

that listen to the same music I do.

We'll make playlists.

Are you able to listen to anything?

Is it annoying?

We got one guy that has Sanford and Son going on in his cart.

And by the way, it's not me.

This guy has, he's got the little Garmin thing up there that's a speaker.

Then he's got like his range finder like magnet there.

Then he's got a wire going down there plugged into the cart for juice.

Then he's got like, I mean he's just got a whole... Like that kind of thing going on.

That's Sanford and Son.

Who are you talking about?

That's what I thought.

I played with him today.

That genre of music I've learned from playing with him is called yacht rock.

Yeah, it is yacht rock.

It's terrible.

No, it's terrible.

It's elevator music.

Listen, it's actually love that music on a yacht.

Or in an elevator.

Or if I'm trying to get up to the 11th floor.

It was terrible.

Hall & Oates is good.

Pablo Cruz.

Pablo crew.

Oh, oh my man Falcon loves him some Pablo cruise.

It's usually horrible So but can that destroy your round like is that like what's the etiquette on that like so if you ask?

Like Panda as long as you'd get the ask like you're good as long as I get the ass Yeah, if it ruins your round like you're too mentally weak to play competitive golf, dude You should have seen now You talking about kind of shepherding me through the wilderness and the void like when he when pan and I play Where do you think we go like take a guess?

What kind of music do you go to?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because we gotta go to, and it's fire, dude.

It's like my secret weapon.

I think I might know what it is.

Alright.

Do you go to reggae, Tron?

Well, I think we have before.

Yeah, I mean, I love reggae.

Someone went to that and lit it up.

Who the f*** does that?

So what what do you and panda listen to like the grimey is most aggressive in-your-face rap possible like just 21 Savage murder What's the run the jewels or what does news call?

I like 20.

We like 21 Savage.

Oh, yeah two chains.

Oh, yeah two chains up there I don't even know the new shit.

I grew up on to go to talk music.

Oh

For me, I do like hip-hop.

I grew up on a tribe called Quest.

I don't know.

What's yours?

Country.

I'm fine with that.

I'm more of a bluegrass guy.

I actually like Billy Strings.

That gets you going.

But then you swing too fast because you're all trying to keep up.

So you like that sad, my dog died shit?

What do you want?

Chris Stapleton.

I do like Chris Stapleton.

He's good.

Morgan Wallen.

Maybe slower country.

I don't like the...

to poppy country but yeah a good good mellow well Darius Rucker yes I love Darius Hootie lately I've been into this guy Chris Paul no yeah Chris Paul this one give a shout out to this guy Quinn and then he's got some Roman numerals after a name that I'm not sure what they add up to yeah I can't read Roman numerals yeah it's weird so it's Quinn Roman numerals and he's got this song called straight jacket straight jacket that I love

Okay.

All right.

Excellent.

Awesome.

I do have another one that really bugs me.

Why are you taking a picture over there?

Because I'm proving to my wife that I'm not cheating on her.

Oh, yeah.

That's a good idea.

She's like, you're really in a shed with **** for like four hours twice a week.

And I'm like, yeah, no, I am.

I bet she kind of wishes you were doing something else.

Can you please just **** someone else?

That would be way less upsetting.

I'd be way less mad.

So she's like, no.

I'll tell her I'm sorry actually your face timer.

Can we FaceTime her right now?

Would she like that?

Would she like that on air with our million subscribers?

Absolutely hate that.

Yeah, do it do it right now She's concerned that you're choosing to spend your time away from her.

No, she just doesn't believe it.

She's like, there's no way yeah, I

I mean, it's a fair, dude, look, it is a fair thing.

I told my wife that I'm gonna come out here and get all the cameras right last night.

Dude, it took me four and a half hours.

She was like, she fell asleep.

Actually, I can read you the text.

She had said, I think her text said, seriously?

Uh, and it's still not right.

I'm all over the place with the cameras, but yeah, I'm sorry.

She's gonna be fine when she's listening to the Yacht Rock on a yacht, right?

On Chris Paul's yacht that he invites us.

So I always try to do like two or three shoutouts to him.

Scott Van Pelt too.

I'm trying to get interviewed by him.

Hopefully that'll happen.

And then obviously Mr. Beast.

Let me go and get that out there because Mr. Beast, if I say it enough, maybe he'll put us up there and then make us famous.

But Chris Paul, sure he's got a yacht.

If not, he's got enough money for it and we'd love to go and we'd love to bring Panda's wife.

So anyway, so that's annoying.

If you have someone in your cart that's like, hey man, don't worry, I got a speaker, I can just play it.

And then they go into it and they're like, I'm gonna listen to something terrible the whole day.

Dude, that ruins my round.

I can't handle that shit.

It's annoying.

It won't ruin my round.

It won't ruin.

Yeah, you're minimally tough.

It won't ruin my round.

So here's the other thing about the cart.

I hate when people drive the cart and they look for bumps.

I mean, I swear to God, if I'm a passenger, I don't know what it is.

Oh, is that tree have roots?

And then they go right for it and they drive over in these easy goes.

They just don't have very good shocks.

Like it's just like.

And then next thing, and I got neck issues.

Next thing you know, I'm like, that hurt.

Don't do that again, please.

Please stay on the path.

What else?

I get all worked up.

Well, I can tell you what else.

Also, the other thing is when you hit, it goes in no order to your ball.

It doesn't matter what your order is, where you hit the golf ball, you go right to your ball.

You got to find your ball.

You want to make sure it's safe.

You want to make sure it's in a good area.

What's your lie look like?

Doesn't matter the fact that your partner's ball is back there.

I get neurotic about the number, but only if it's a certain segment.

If it's like 75 or up, I don't really like that card.

Oh, you mean the number of the cart?

Yeah, Panda just threw that out.

Yeah, that was pretty random.

It's not really etiquette.

I had no fucking idea what you were talking about.

That's just my cart preference.

But I will say, I will say there are some carts, though, that don't have governors.

You just gotta ask the cart guys for the fast carts.

Yeah, the cart guys know which ones it is.

Oh, well, of course.

Give me a fast one.

Yes, and they do.

Should we go ahead and mention the numbers here on air in case, because, I mean, I'm sure we're going to get some Carolwood Country Club members that are going to watch, so I know 66 as fast as fuck.

66 zips.

Well it all changes, right?

What do you mean it all changes?

Well, like if the batteries are like more than that.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

These guys are taking- No, they got a couple that are like hot wire.

No, they're taking the governors off.

So, there's a few of them that have that.

66 is one of them.

Oh, I don't want everyone to know.

No, I think- I don't want everyone to know.

Well, I mean, I think that's part of like- It's our thing.

I think the least we can do for these people is like give them things.

Oh.

Um, yeah.

Spread knowledge.

And spread knowledge.

Well, 66 would also be good for my- for me.

Sub 75.

75 and above because you're like worried you're gonna shoot that yeah like just and it's not to the point that like I'm gonna be mad But if I roll up and like I had a preference of cart 69 versus cart 99.

I want cart 69.

I see It's just like what if it's cart like 42 that's okay.

Oh really.

Yeah, what if that's like?

Oh, I could shoot 42 in my opening nine

No, I don't think it's not that deep.

42 is fine.

It's really just I don't like carts 76 to 100.

I see.

So you're superstitious?

I wouldn't say I'm superstitious, but if I have a preference, I would rather have the other ones.

It's not going to derail me, but if I have a choice, I want cart 65.

I've got a little bit of a pet peeve too.

I like to drive, so I don't like to be the rider in the cart.

Really?

I didn't know that about you.

Okay.

Because I always play with my brother, so I drive, he rides, and I tend to, off the tee, I'll hit the ball a little bit farther than he does, so I stop at his ball first.

Stop at his ball first like I'm supposed to according to your melody it right.

I stop at his ball He hits his shot, and I might be well I don't know five ten yards past him and instead of just like grabbing his club and sitting in the cart Yes, going to my ball.

Yes, and then when I get out I get the distance He can get out and clean his shit and do his thing, right?

He hits his ball, and then he goes behind the cart, cleans his club, uses the towel, and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

Let's go!

Yes.

Sit in the cart, we'll go to mine, then do your shit.

So dude, that- So now, no, I just stop at his ball, he gets out, I take my rangefinder and I shoot it here, and I take a club I think I'm gonna use and go stand by my ball.

So we were talking about slow play last time.

That right there, it doesn't seem like- and I'm not saying your brother's a slow player, he's actually not.

He is.

Okay, yeah, I didn't want to say it.

As long as you said it.

He knows he is, I tell him all the time.

He's not, I don't think he's as, he's not like, there's a guy up there that I wrote his name down, but he was so slow that we ended up having to stop playing golf with him.

Like, it literally became a point, but yeah, it was tough because he is such a good guy, but dude, there's nothing worse than that.

I don't want to be on a golf course because here's the other thing, you have people behind you.

Does he take like nine practice swings or what?

He does exactly what the mayor just talked about.

It's the little things, and they add up.

You don't think they do, but after a while, you start thinking, okay, that took an extra 20, 30 seconds.

So if you add that up times, I don't know how many shots, dude, that is a lot of time.

That's like an extra 15, 20 minutes around.

So I don't know, to me, I don't do well with people behind me.

I don't do well just in general, but people behind me waiting on me to hit and there's no one in front of us, I can't take.

I can't take it.

I'd rather them play through.

And I'm like, hey, should we let them play through because y'all are slow as hell?

And then the best is like, no, no, maybe there's part three that's coming up.

I'm like, oh my God.

And then I just play so bad, I'm rushing.

Do you prefer to walk or ride?

Walk.

Okay.

With a caddy.

Or by myself, or like if I'm carrying.

Yeah.

If it was up to me, I'd walk.

I like walking.

Me too.

If they allowed it, I play a lot better when I'm walking.

But I will say I hate, like, **** does this all the time.

Three riders and one walker is a massive no-no.

Yeah.

I hate that.

Three riders, one walker.

Oh.

Yeah.

Two and two will work.

What?

Like we do that sometimes when it's like car path only.

I feel like car path only can do any car path only it's definitely faster to walk like three guys Driving and one walking is no.

Yeah, somebody's gotta sacrifice themselves Yeah, he has another golf etiquette thing that when you're on the tee you can't be standing directly behind him I did it in like a tournament too.

I did it in like club champion or something.

That's behind him I

No, I didn't think so because like I'm very cognizant about that, but I was I guess I was he's right-handed So I'm like this way to him on meadow one North Paul and he made me move like to get behind But I didn't think I was out of the way like I thought I was totally oh, yes, you know move

Yeah, he said like, get the fuck off the box.

Like, he was like, he cannot hit the ball.

No, I mean, he, like, uh, yeah, dude, he's one of my favorite guys up there.

I love the guy.

And he's straightforward.

He doesn't, he's actually yelled at me about it.

That's how I knew not to do it.

You don't want someone behind you.

I get it.

I, the only reason I understand it, I guess.

He yelled at someone in the group I was in.

About it.

Yeah.

You can do whatever to me.

You can, as long as you don't touch me, I'm fine.

You can yell.

No, see, that's where we got the problem.

I'm saying like on the golf course.

How do you feel about talking on the golf course?

In general?

No, no, okay, so let's say we're in a foursome.

It's my turn to hit the shot, and the two of you are having a discussion, and I can kind of hear you talking.

When is it appropriate to be quiet or start that little whisper?

As I enter my pre-shot routine, do you guys stop?

Is it as I address the ball, do you stop?

Is it as I take my swing back, do you stop?

This is what?

Yeah, this would be the best for him because he would care the most So we're gonna do a whole episode on how wolf is the absolute worst game in golf period I can't stand it.

I was just gonna say wolf is like more a It's not even how good you play.

It's really how good you pick partner.

It seems to be the only game you can play with a 5p

That that is true when we started building up an audience That's one cool thing about a community is that games and like being able to share like fun games on the course There's got to be a better five person Do you brought something up that came up last week?

And you gave me shit because I had pressed like if you go if you go lone wolf, this will be interesting panda You're gonna play referee here.

Okay, cuz I've always played I've played the same rules plays on this one if you call lone wolf Before you hit.

Mm-hmm.

It is worth

Double.

Double.

No.

No.

Before you hit.

Before you hit.

Before anyone hits.

Before.

Lone wolf before and you walk up to the tee box and it's because you're wolf.

You say lone wolf.

So it's one verse four.

One verse four.

So isn't it four times?

It's four times.

That's how I play.

That's how I play too.

I thought you were saying after you hit.

No, that's like two times.

And then you watch everybody go.

And then you say, I'll go by myself.

That's a double.

That's a double.

Correct.

Correct.

Yes.

I thought it was four times.

So what's interesting, though, is it got silly.

And those typically wolves not like a crazy, like it can get crazy.

This time it got

Ridiculous because I was like I was playing the martingale strategy if you play roulette you just double down until you hit red or whatever So that's what I was doing I was like double it double it double it before you know it this whole all of a sudden is worth like four or five hundred dollars It was a meadow number nine.

We talked about it, and you guys gave me shit because yeah, because I sniped one I was like I was with you, but I've heard okay.

I said whatever lone wolf go up to the t-box and as I'm swinging

is in the middle of a conversation, they're literally snickering about how I'm gonna hit it and snipe it into the left houses.

Guess what I do?

I snipe it into the left houses.

If there was a lady- I tom-kited it.

If there was a lady right there, her face would have been gone.

I mean, I'm talking about- it moved left quick.

Now, I personally think that that's fucked up, because if it was for just a regular shot, and it didn't really matter, fine.

Talk whatever.

It doesn't really bother me.

It does actually bother me, though, when I had $400 or $500 on one hole, and someone's talking in my backswing, and I look back.

This is what the shitty part is.

I look back, and I'm like, seriously?

That's all I said.

And then everyone's like, oh, okay, I guess you want to re-hit?

You can have a re-hit?

Then I look like the asshole because I want to re-hit, so, alright.

I didn't know that part of the story.

So, of course, no one tells that part of the story.

Now, here's what's interesting.

I just heard you snap hooking.

Exactly, and then whined about it.

And they felt bad.

I didn't mind about it.

Exactly.

That's what's fucked up.

So then I'm telling Falcon this last week.

My kid was getting lessons at Carolwood or whatever.

I go inside and I'm having a drink with Falcon.

I'm telling him and he's like, oh man, I can't wait to go on your pod.

He's so excited to hop on.

And he's got some good stories.

He's actually one of the few that also have an albatross.

Hole in one on a par four.

But I tell him,

About how he had a lot of money on on meadow nine And how it came down to me having to read it because they were talking in my backswing And he was like oh yeah, yeah, and I told him that told him that koala and panda was like oh yeah did quality about the time that we were playing wolf and then he He didn't realize that that shot was for like five or six hundred dollars.

He thought it was for one or two hundred and

No.

It's because we keep Wolf's score differently.

Exactly.

Exactly.

That's why Wolf is the worst game of all time.

I was keeping score for the whole game.

I didn't know M*** also was keeping score his way.

Right.

Yes.

And there's two different ways to keep Wolf's score.

Yeah, so I thought that it was worth, yeah, just a hundred bucks, whatever it was, and he thought it was like triple that.

Whoever was riding with me knew what it was.

So now I just no longer keep score when I play Wolf with him and he keeps it his way.

You still don't know the right way.

I still don't.

See, that's the thing.

That's why golf and like the etiquette, that was my point in the very beginning of this, is like,

Golf is one of the few sports we've been playing our whole lives.

I'm not even sure I know all the rules.

Secondly, I'm not even sure I know how to not offend someone.

Like, I just learned about the whole don't stand behind someone directly five or six years ago.

I don't ever fucking score a wolf.

I let somebody else do it.

Yeah, because there's so many different interpretations and stuff.

Like, you move state to state and everything.

Like, presses are different from place to place.

You know about this, Panda?

For what?

Okay, doesn't sound like you know about it.

No, I'm talking about pit, so I never heard of this one.

I looked it up, Texas rules is Where you actually if you do not hit it past ladies tease most forward to you take your pants off?

no but that no it wasn't take your pants off okay well is that a thing?

yeah I've always heard it by by people drinks I didn't know if you don't hit it past like the ladies tees I think you have to pull your pants down to your ankles and you walk up and hit your next shot well you made my dad do it at my brother's bachelor party Texas rules it basically says if you don't make it past the ladies tee then you must I didn't this made no sense maybe I read this wrong it says then the the rest of the hole

You have to wear the club out of your pants.

I've never heard of that.

You gotta like put it through your, like, fly?

Yeah, I didn't know.

I was hoping, I was like, surely he knows.

I mean, he lived in Texas for a while.

There's no way you wrote that down correctly.

Alright, smash that comment section, smash that subscribe button, prove Brando, better known as Albie, correct, and make these effers wrong.

Yeah, just fucking explain to us what the fuck that means.

Wear it outside of your pants?

I don't know how you do it, I don't know if you tape it, I don't know if you're putting it through a pocket, I don't know if you're putting it through like a belt loop, I have no idea, I didn't get deep in it, I thought for sure.

You gotta stick it down the leg, which is funny, interestingly, when I used to work at Golf Galaxy, people would steal like whole drivers, they would stick it down their pants.

What?

Isn't that wild?

Wait, they would steal golf clubs at Golf Galaxy?

Oh, like tens of thousands of dollars a month.

No way, dude.

What?

No way.

Absolutely.

And you'd catch them?

Yeah, what would happen like so what happens?

I would put it like down your pant leg and like try to walk out with shorts on Okay, great.

Well if you take your own wrench.

You're a terrible take your own wrench all you take listen Yeah, if you take your own wrench well You can take the head off and then you can take the little sensor off if you pull it up the shaft And then you just ditch the sensor, and then you walk out with it you get it all here Did I tell you about my albatross?

We're teaching you how to commit theft or secure your future interesting oh?

I feel like a putter would have been easier.

Right.

But we like lock up the Scotties and the Bentonardis though.

Did I ever tell you when I was at... I have no idea why we tell people how to steal stuff.

PGA Superstore, I was window shopping at the, like looking at the Scottie and Bentonardi case and I finally called a guy over and was like, hey, can you open this?

And **** was there walking by and he goes, he's just window shopping.

He's never going to buy anything.

It's like, oh, fuck.

Didn't you probably own like four out of the five in there jokes on you.

I'm buying the whole fucking way That's one of the best stores of all time such a good story.

It is like it's so well done I'll say that like they the best deal in town anyone Tampa a gift again.

We just give we keep giving

You're a giver.

I'm a giver the best investment you can make in my opinion is their golf bay like their golf bay I think it's like a hundred bucks for the year you get their flight.

What is it flight scope flight?

Whatever they have to track man It's a track man you get the bay now It's hard and you get the little app you can and you can run for 30 minutes at a time if no one's behind you You can extend it dude.

It's amazing now.

You have to go on like a Tuesday at like 330 to like where it's busy

Well, on Saturday you're not getting in.

Unless you book it in advance.

And these fuckers, I'm sure what they're doing, I'll go in there and I'll be like, that bay is open, and they'll be like, someone's gotta book.

I'm like, so they just book it on their app, and then they never show up.

That's annoying.

Yeah, fuck that guy.

You're probably an ironhead cover, and you also This is another one that drives me nuts.

You wear two gloves and you have a ball retriever.

And guess what?

You probably, this is not related to golf, you probably take your dishes and put them in the sink even though there's an empty dishwasher there.

Please tell me you don't do that.

I can't handle that shit.

What do you mean?

Like the dish has to go immediately into the dishwasher?

Dude, do not put it in the sink if there's an empty dishwasher.

Why would you do that?

But yes, everyone.

Yeah, no, that's fine.

I'm fine with that.

Like, I'm fine with, you should put it in the dishwasher.

Yeah, so my wife's not... What's the sink with dishes?

Drives me fucking crazy, dude.

Me too.

And then just do it, does it all at once.

But it bothers me to see them all sitting there.

Yes, of course.

And I end up doing it sometimes too, which is fine, but it's like, it's just stupid.

I mean, there's so much shit she puts up with on my side, so it's the least I can do, but dude, it is one of my pet peeves.

So now I've started looking at people, I'm like, oh, this motherfucker's probably one that puts his dishes in the sink and doesn't even like putting it.

And it's fine if you do that, and you rinse it off, maybe put a little dial or whatever kind of soap in there.

Another shout out for a sponsor.

If you get to that point, though, just push it in.

Or if the dishwasher's full and it's running, or if it's getting ready to run, fine, I get it.

If there's an empty dishwasher there and you're not putting it in the dishwasher,

Panda's gotta get home, he's gonna turn into a pumpkin, his wife thinks he's cheating on him.

What else do you have there on the agenda?

I mean, I've got... Not for etiquette?

Nah, I mean, I think etiquette we've kind of slammed.

I don't know what else.

Don't walk in people's line.

I mean, I think that was a... I guess there's one really tough one that I don't know the proper... Do you put rakes INSIDE?

of the bunker or outside of the bunker?

Great fucking question, dude.

It's an excellent question.

I think that he's the fucking mayor for a reason.

Aesthetically, it maybe looks better if it's in.

But the way I think of it is if you keep it out of the bunker.

Just like setting up the next guy, it might keep the ball out of the bunker if it hits the rake and bounces out like that would be a favorable break.

Yeah.

And doesn't that person deserve it if he's hitting it in the bunker?

He's had probably a rough day.

Because if it's in, and the ball rolls into the bunker, and then it hits the rake, you have a fucked life because you're up against the lip of a bunker anyways.

All I can think about right now is my wife listening to that part about the dishes, and she's gonna yell at me so much and like, she puts up with so much of my shit.

I mean, I'm sorry.

I take that back.

Dish people are fine.

You can subscribe.

So I think that, though, the other part that's fucked up about golf courses, that put the rakes in the back of the carts.

We used to do that at Worldwoods.

Oh my god, yes.

That drove me nuts.

4 a.m.. Where I'm flying from where I'm where I was yesterday a little jet lag yeah, hey by the way Thanks for making it tonight.

You're very well.

It means a lot All right, sorry band to go ahead and let's wrap this let's wrap this puppy up at this ball thing the USGA is Sucks I mean if you like the USGA you blow first

So the United States Golf Association is essentially saying that the golf ball goes too far We're trying to implement something that not for you but for people at the highest level because they can't play golf courses that are shorter that they used to have like the fucking 1961 US Open on so we're gonna give everybody the same ball that doesn't go as far and

What do you mean the same ball?

If I have a Pro V1, the Pro V1 now is going to be a Callaway no-go.

They haven't dialed in exactly how it's going to work, but you're going to get a different golf ball that won't fly as far.

It could be bigger, it could have a different dimple pattern, it could be softer, I'm sure it could be a lot of things.

They said that if they're going to implement anything that it's going to be by 2026 So the ball will be long gone by then yeah, we've long gone by then hopefully have sold out by then But that is basically what's going on They tried to do this in tennis

roll the ball back.

Did they?

What do you mean?

Yeah.

So like early 2000s, they felt the Mets game was getting too fast, like with too many big servers and not enough long points.

And they tried to make the ball bigger and they experimented with it.

It never went anywhere, but they tried it.

Uh, wow, that's, I had no idea.

See, man, we've got a good thing.

I would have never known that.

Like, I mean, geez, that's amazing.

Didn't that mess with the rackets?

No?

No, I actually played a tournament with it, and when you're a junior under 18, you play ITFs, and you travel around the world playing these ITFs, and I was- Oh yeah, ITFs.

Yep.

And I was in South Africa playing, and we used the bigger ball there, um, and it was terrible.

What South Africa or the bigger ball South Africa was awesome the larger tennis ball was terrible.

The giant ball was suck.

I would love I don't like the I mean I don't like that rolling it back I get the argument, but I feel like what's the like so I mean dude to me It's like guys who hit it shorter just gonna hit it shorter the Bryson US Open.

I think was the turning point

you have these manufacturers, club manufacturers, that are constantly, you know, jailbroken.

It's like, oh, it's got the new, you know, what, like, name whatever marketing thing you want to throw on it.

And then you have, all of a sudden, you say, oh, none of that matters.

We're actually going to change the ball dimple pattern, and it's not going to go anywhere near as far.

Like, that's fucked up.

I also don't get why can't they play the course.

If it's 6800 yards and they go and shoot 20 under, what's the difference?

That's fun!

Yeah.

I mean, because the USGA has this boner for, like, the winning score of the US Open needs to be a round par.

Great.

Then, then fucking make the, like, make the greens harder, make the rough longer, make, do something different.

That's why I say the turning point was the Bryson US Open, because the rough was way longer, but

He's so fucking strong that he would just mash it out of there.

If you have to hit a ball out of really long rough, it would help that you could swing the club really fucking hard.

So he like also what you're supposed exactly so he like kind of neutralized the rough as well Good cuz he figured it out like I love that like dude.

I think I agree I didn't they should make the balls rubber.

I think we should have more condors, which I know what that was Do you know what condors?

It's a one on a five hole in one on a par five what yeah?

Yeah, yeah, that's possible

It's rarer than the albatross.

Actually anything's possible.

I said before this started, we don't roll back the ball, we just eliminate the tee.

Eliminate the tee?

I don't know what that means.

So you're saying hit a driver?

The wooden peg.

Driver off the deck.

You can't use that anymore.

So guys would just have to hit two irons and three woods and shit off the tee.

You wouldn't swing the same giant driver if you had to hit it off the deck.

So you would get a smaller one.

I think that's the easiest way.

Okay.

I don't know if I mean it's like baseball like baseball.

You don't get a metal bat.

You don't give me You don't give Mookie Betts a wooden or a metal bat.

You know Who who Mookie Betts?

He's like multi-time MVP plays for the Dodgers.

I just don't watch baseball for baseball.

He's a Mookie.

Yeah, terrible name.

He's like the best player in baseball.

Uh, well, does he play with a metal bat?

I mean, that's cheating.

No, he doesn't because they have different rules.

Yeah.

Sammy Sosa corked back.

Actually, no, just steroids.

Fine.

He figured that out too.

Like, I love that.

I love, like, forgive me.

Of course, like that whole era of baseball is the only time.

That's why I don't know who Mookie, whatever your name, like, that's because like these guys suck compared to those guys.

Those guys were like fucking monsters back then.

I loved it.

Mark McGuire.

Yes, of course.

It's not me.

I'm not destroying my body to go out and smash 900 yard feet.

They probably do feet in baseball.

So I think 900 feet is not possible.

Actually anything is possible.

You'd be cranking it.

350 feet.

Yeah, yeah, so we'll end it on a story so This guy was playing off And I don't know like exactly where I don't know some of the details not even sure if it's true or not You know that's our thing.

That doesn't matter.

That's fine.

That's not a truth podcast well We're not not we're an entertainment pod so this guy's playing off a man gets a chance to play maybe once or twice a week he starts with par 5 Eagle goes to the next hole birdie

This guy's like a 4-5 handicap.

He's too close to the sun.

Too close to the sun, exactly.

I don't know what that means, but yes.

It's like when you get to, if you were 3 under through 2, you would be way too close to the sun.

Yes, and they call that, who's the guy, the mythical character?

Icarus.

Icarus, thank you.

Jeopardy.

Thanks, Jeopardy, yes.

What is Icarus?

Oh boy.

So, mythical thing.

It was a mythical creature and he got to close his wings, whatever.

All right.

So anyway, getting back to this guy who was on fire, right?

He'd started and he's like, Oh my God, this is the most amazing round of my time.

Like, I can't believe this.

So he's four under through four holes.

He gets a call.

It's from like a random number answers it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is so-and-so.

And they go, yeah, your wife has actually been in an accident.

And, uh, she's here at the hospital and found your number in her phone is like the emergency contact, blah, blah, blah.

You need to get here soon.

He's like, all right, no problem.

Guys like fuck like I've got a good round going so Is she dead?

Well, he didn't know that but he was like he was like all right well Please tell her I'll be there as soon as I can would you ask if you were 400?

I'm not gonna get into this like what I do anything on this because I would be right there with my baby the whole time I already made the dish comment earlier but

This guy, this guy, this guy goes, all right, I'm gonna keep playing.

And he keeps playing, and he's like, I'm on fire.

I mean, how hard, like, he doesn't know many details, so he keeps going.

And anyway, he finishes, I mean, he was on hole four or five when he found out about it, and then he finishes the round, lowest score, I think he shot like four under, five under par, something stupid.

Had a hole in one, that was the other part.

He actually had a hole in one on his, like, third hole, it was crazy.

So then he rushes.

He didn't rush anything.

No, he rushed into the pro shop, turned his scorecard in.

No, he got to the hospital quickly.

And then the doctor was a golfer too.

And he could tell.

The guy's decked out in probably Travis Matthews shit.

He'd just obviously come off the golf course.

And the guy's like, wow, what took you so long to get here?

And he's like, well, no, I got here as soon as I could.

What happened?

He was like, well,

I hope you enjoy that round of golf.

It's going to be the last one you're ever going to have."

And the guy's like, what do you mean?

And he's like, well, there's no doubt she is going to be paralyzed.

Unfortunately, she's not going to be able to go to the bathroom by herself.

She's feeding two.

We've been working on her and it just didn't go well.

And he's like, this guy is like, obviously guilt starting to set in.

Best round of his life.

Happiest day of his life because he's got a hole in one and everything else.

Now his wife's dying.

And he's like, oh, my God, this is terrible.

And the doctor walks up and he goes, no, I'm just kidding.

She died three hours ago.

You're fine.

That's just perfect.

You'll actually be able to play golf next weekend and a lot more.

Your skin is actually just freed up.

Anyway, hey, thanks y'all for joining another episode of Did I Tell You About My Albatross?

We'll see y'all next time.

Thanks for tuning in, everyone.

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Think fairways and greens.

Ay yo, now you know